


library hour.

by SNES



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Library, Angst, Falling In Love, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mutual Pining, One-Sided Attraction, Parties, Roommates, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-10-28 03:32:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17779778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SNES/pseuds/SNES
Summary: Na Jaemin knows a lot about the whimsy and mundane; knows not much of anything else but his nightly shifts at the local library, the CD of songs he always leaves on the coffee table by the sofa to dance to on sleepless nights, and the cute guy in the library who always sits on the table between the aisles of Religion and Philosophy.He comprehends these things almost in the same level of understanding that Lee Jeno, his new roommate, had for both spontaneity and the unknown. There was more to him than his sharpness and depth. Truth be told, Jeno was honestly like a massive slap to the face; a living, breathing objection to anything and everything Jaemin thought he knew so well.Together,  they learn about sharing an apartment, parties, fashion shows in the living room, disco dancing, 10pm snack runs, choosing the right pancake mix and most essentially, what it means to find the universe in the hands of a single person.(or: a roommates!nomin au)





	1. whatever

1.

It's been a little less than three weeks since Na Jaemin went on the look-out for a new roommate.

Donghyuck, his bestfriend and also the previous holder of that occupation, had decided to move to the dorms near their campus to minimize his overall living expenses. Jaemin had considered going for that too, but is too intimidated by the idea for reasons he himself can't explain. For one, he doesn't enjoy the idea of living with 5 people simultaneously because that would make the experience less intimate; there would be no room for deep talks and one-on-one interactions. Another: the chances of finding a roommate, or roommates, who would be so down to climb up on an abandoned building at any given time are none. Jaemin is really just far from accepting that fact.

The whole plan of roommate hunting had been good so far, except it was hard and he was running out of options, almost as fast as his patience draining.

Luckily enough for him, though, Donghyuck found someone who could occupy the position in short notice. He's been telling Jaemin about the guy since last Thursday, swooning at length over how enthusiastic he was for the younger boy to meet him. Jaemin hasn't talked to the guy yet, but apparently he's moving in some time this week (according to Hyuck) and was eager to meet Jaemin, much to his own dismay. He can't trust a guy he's never met to suddenly just move in without any warning, but if Hyuck likes this guy a lot, then he's not entirely sure of feeling indifferent.

It's nearing 2:30P.M. when he stumbles by his bestfriend at the coffee shop. He's on his way back to uni but he's more than ready to lie on his bed before his library shift. Hyuck won't let him get the sleep he deserves.

"Before you cry about not getting any decent rest, here, I bought you some goddamn coffee." There are two cups in his hand. He hands the other one to Jaemin a little forcefully before leading him out of the coffee shop and signaling him to walk to the park nearby.

"He said he's going to move in either today or tomorrow." The boy informs him. Jaemin rolls his eyes and sighs.

"Would it kill you to tell him that he can just, oh, I don't know, talk to me directly?" His brows furrow. "And how would he be able to move in that quick? Doesn't he own any furniture? Or even some bedsheets? Or some clothes for God's sake?"

"He'll figure it out." Hyuck twines their arms together, his feet shifting. "Are you excited to meet your new roommate?" He asks. Suddenly, the prospect of having a new person to share an apartment with made Jaemin uncharacteristically nervous.

"Not going to lie. I guess I'm a little excited." He shrugs. "I finally have someone new to baby." It's more sarcastic than literal, but Hyuck doesn't catch on to it and continues speaking.

"Oh, I'm sure you'll enjoy his company. He's chill and everything. It's not all the time you get to room with someone slightly popular."

"Slightly... popular?" He sneers. "So not like full-on popular? What's the difference? Jesus, I didn't know there were levels to being famous."

"Well, he's a good bargain. And I'm pretty sure everyone's heard of him."

"Just tell me who he is, Hyuckie. I can't care less about the shit he does."

 "Lee Jeno."

Jaemin blinks twice. " _John-o_ who now?"

"Oh my God?" The boy stares at him like he's been living under a rock for two years. It's kind of true, though, because Jaemin feels exactly like he's really lived under a rock but for much longer than that.

"Why are you looking at me like I'm supposed to know who he is?" He reiterates, wondering why Hyuck's eyes widen like it was that big of a deal.

"Lee Jeno! The eye-smile guy? That guy who gets into A-list parties for breathing? For the love of God, tell me you've seen him across the halls at least once," Hyuck sneers at him. He stays silent as Hyuck's face slowly turns grim in obvious annoyance. Oh, boy. Jaemin isn't ready for this. "Holy hell, Nana."

The older boy snaps his fingers at Jaemin and initiates an argument. "Come on, Lee Jeno's got the looks and the makings of a 1980's teenage Romcom jock goth hearthrob and you're telling me you don't know or even hear of him!?" He says, to which Jaemin only weakly replies, "A jock goth? So, a _joth_?"

"You're hopeless." Donghyuck rolls his eyes, letting his grip on Jaemin's arm slip as they reach the campus grounds again. "I'll catch you later, Nana." He waves goodbye.

Jaemin heads to the hallway, searching for Renjun, his other bestfriend, so that he can tell him about the news.

At the same time, he's looking for anyone who might remind him of an 80's joth, much like what Donghyuck said, but to no avail. If he had that big of a presence, then why was he so hard to find? Jaemin ponders. It's hard to believe a person like that even exists.

Jaemin gives up on finding Jeno when he feels Renjun smack him on his shoulder a little harshly. He turns around.

"Where did you and Donghyuck go?" He asks, his voice firm and daunting.

"We got some coffee?" He tries to laugh it off, but Renjun's brows curl.

"Great! You ditched me for another one of your ugly coffee dates."

"It's not ugly--"

"You ditched me anyway!" He sneers. "I told you to wait a moment-- I just had to talk to the art club's manager for a while so we could negotiate my installation for the exhibit in the mall a month from now. But then I return to the lockers and I couldn't find either of you anywhere."

"We're so sorry, Injun."

"If I weren't so forgiving, I would've started searching for new friends." He says.

"That's cruel." Jaemin pouts a little before smiling again as he nudges Renjun's arm. "What time is your next class?"

"Same as yours. 3:30."

"We don't have that much time, anyway. Can I tell you something?"

"Sure." Renjun nods. "Tell me what?"

"Well, I-- I'm meeting my new roommate this week." He starts. "And I've been told he studies here, too. All I know is his name."

"Yeah?" Renjun taunts. "So tell me!"

"Ah, I will in a sec-- it's just that--"

"You're just gonna tell me his name, Jaem. What could possibly be holding you back?"

"Well-- it's Lee Jeno." He pauses. "Also I think it's bad that I have no idea who he is."

"Oh damn." Renjun squints at him. "Shit, Jaemin. It is bad. Everyone knows who he is. _I_ know who he is. Where have you been in the past year?"

"Who knows!" He says. "What has he done to make everyone roll up their sleeves and worship him anyway?"

"Calm down a second. No one's worshipping him, okay. Not that I know, though, but I'm pretty sure." Renjun says. "Besides, I've only heard about him from Lucas. He used to be one of those weird loner gamer geek kids, and to believe those even exist in college-- like what the fuck? Apparently he got invited to a party Lucas was in once and, you know what he did--?"

Jaemin shakes his head.

"Apparently he drank two whole bottles of vodka. No breaks. He risked his life for a dare and was never the same boy since."

"Two bottles of vodka!" Jaemin gasps. "Why the fuck didn't he get alcohol poisoning!? That's crazy!"

"Jesus Christ, Jaem! Did you want him to get alcohol poisoning?!"

"No?" He pouts. "No. But all that vodka turned him into a god."

"Or a demon."

"Or a... God, I don't know. He shouldn't be so daunting but he is!" He says, his hands finding their way to his face. "All these stories about him are making me... eh."

"Eh." Renjun repeats. "You know, just because he's got this whole snarky popular unapproachable chill aura around him doesn't mean you should question your life choices."

"Wait," Jaemin pauses. "He does?"

"Oh my God. Pretend I never said anything and let me head to my class. Please." Renjun sort of begs, or demands... either way Jaemin wasn't going to let him through that easily.

"So how come I've never heard of him? How come he's so big and mighty in this school but I've never once seen him?"

"Uh, that's your damn problem, maybe." Renjun says. "Besides, it's not a big deal! Maybe you just weren't paying attention when he was around. It's not like you're obligated to, you know that, right? Doesn't mean you're an outdated granddad. Doesn't mean you should create this big fuss over it.  It just means he's not as eyecatching as everyone plays him out to be and that's that on that. Now please let go of my arm."

Jaemin doesn't even realize he was holding Renjun's arm. It comes with a little bit of struggle but when he finally detaches himself from the smaller boy, the latter is already running for his classes. It only registers to Jaemin that it was already 3:25, Renjun's class was on the 2nd building, and he was running late but never even muttered a single word about it. Maybe Jaemin's little Jeno freak-out episode was somehow intriguing, something someone could invest some time on.

Only slightly, though.

He jogs his way to class, denying the fact that he's looking for a certain someone on the way there. He doesn't even know who he should be looking for. Maybe some tall-ish guy, possibly light, shaggy hair, sharpness everywhere, maybe a leather jacket hanging over his shoulders or something of that variation. He tries and he fails, and for the second time that day he questions if a guy like that even exists, like his conversation with Donghyuck or Renjun and his anxiety skyrocketing over meeting this Jenny, John, Jeno whatever guy never happened.

He plops down on his seat and greets his seatmate, who for some reason he never really bothered to ask the name of. They never really talk outside of damn Physics, but the guy's so intolerable, always showing off his damn punctuation skills whenever they have to write an essay on the wind or shit like that. If he were so fucking good at it, he could've bought a plane ticket to fucking Yale or some Ivy League school or something and dedicated (more like surrendered) his life to studying the damn dot or comma symbol or something. Now Jaemin can't believe he's wasted his damn braincells thinking about that, but then again, he's been wasting them off every time he thinks of Jeno, who for some reason dragged him reasonably into his orbit even though Jaemin barely knows him.

Oh fuck, now even all the damn Physics terms sound like they're about him. Magnetism, spontaneous symmetry, fucking Matter.

He shakes the thought away.

His class ends in about four hours. Great. Now he has all the time in the world to procrastinate, maybe daydream about that cute guy in the library for a little while. He wonders what said guy could be doing in that moment, but he slaps himself mentally and reminds his own braincells that the cute guy in the library had a damn name. It was Mark Lee, and there was no way in hell he could ever be interested in Jaemin, but either way he was something to look forward to.

It was kind of the way he brought himself, like he was being monitored at all times and he had to exude confidence as much as he can. He had some chill to him but also some dawning sense of professionalism, which kind of makes Jaemin blush more than once in a while. He sighs. Maybe he was a little too in love with Mark, but it would be a crime if he wasn't. The guy was too damn good to be true.

He doesn't know how classes are over that quick, or maybe they weren't and Jaemin just didn't feel those damn hours pass, because suddenly the professor is politely telling them to fuck off out of there. He barely felt any new knowledge enter his brain, but Jaemin still finds himself rushing out the door in no time. It was time to head home. He had to get ready for his library shift, which he doesn't think he's anticipated until a little over a month ago, when he met Mark and felt his own heart thump out his chest for no apparent reason.

It takes about thirty minutes to jog from the campus until the intersection to their apartment complex, then ten more to walk through the alleyways all across the neighborhood. Quite frankly, he enjoys the travel. It's the only exercise he can get on a busy schedule, so he doesn't want to complain. At this point in time it was already past 7P.M., giving Jaemin quite virtually no time to even lie down or go for a short break before dashing back out to work at 8P.M. Weirdly enough, he starts to receive a phone call from an unregistered number. Despite this, he answers the call anyway.

"Hello?" The voice on the other line greets. "Is this Na Jaemin?"

"Yes! Hello, that's me. Who is this?"

"This is Jeno." Jaemin squints in shock. "Your new roommate, Lee Jeno." Oh, _wow_. Jaemin thinks. For someone so out of touch, he sure had a nice voice.

"Oh, oh! Hello! Uh, hi. Why'd--" he coughs. "Sorry. Why'd you call?"

"Uh, I'm kind of in a rush and I need keys to the apartment as soon as possible."

"What's going on?" He asks. "Where are you? Should I head there?"

"No, no need! I'm actually at the apartment lobby right now." He stutters out. "I just-- there's a spare, right?"

"Yeah. I think? Hyuck probably left it at the receptionist's desk. What's going on?"

"Nothing," there's a hiccup. "I just really need a room to stay in right now and, ow, will you stop that?!"

"Excuse me?" There's a strain in his tone from how sudden things were going. "Is everything alright?"

"No, no! I wasn't-- talking to you."

"Are you with someone? Hello?"

"No, just-- what time are you coming back?" Before Jaemin could respond, the phone call was abruptly cut off. It still weirds him out, but he figured if something was happening, he could just help the boy with it because he was on his way back to the apartment anyway.

He jogs back as fast as he can, reducing the usual ten-minute walk to a mere five. He thinks of dropping by at the convenience store to buy a few ingredients and stir up a small meal for Jeno, but that would be indecent. If he wanted to get to know this guy over a meal, he had to make it good. As he thinks this, he finally decides to just buy a few of his favorite snacks and some cold beverages (mostly iced coffee) before paying for them in the counter, greeting the cashier guy and leaving.

 He had to be honest; he wanted to meet this guy right now, so bad that if he didn't he'd explode.

He's giddy with excitement when he enters the apartment lobby's door, smiling and greeting the receptionist as usual. "Did someone come for the keys?"

"Yeah." The guy nods. "You look anxious."

"Maybe a little." He grins. "Nothing you should worry about. Worry about your job instead."

"If it's about the guy who came in earlier, then you should be. He's got a whole air of swag over him. You should be intimidated."

"Huh?"

"No joke, Jaemin."

Jaemin is intimidated but for a whole different reason. What if the guy was a douchebag? What if he grows to hate him? What if he thinks Jaemin is a dumbass? He stumbles across the stairs to the third floor as he thinks this, suddenly wanting to turn back, but what was the point when he had to meet the guy sooner or later anyway? Now he really feels like a dumbass for stalling, for thinking about the situation too much. He can't help it.

He's walking down the hallway now, three doors down and two more to go before he reaches his apartment door. He takes one deep breath as he shuffles around his pocket and looks for his keys, but is surprised to find that the door to his apartment is open, the corners unhinged. Jaemin tilts his head at this, sort of alarmed, so he does what any normal person would do: walk around the hallway for two whole minutes before ultimately deciding to kick the whole door open. So he does just that.

And there was Jeno, dark hair, dim, judging eyes, kneeling on the couch. Of course, Jaemin did not expect to find him in that situation, of all the possibilities, with his shirt on the floor and his hands wrapped around a random girl's waist, looking like he'd just been shaken out of some intense lip-smashing. The girl shoots up and looks at him, grabbing at the floor with those claws for nails for whatever piece of clothing she could find to cover herself up. Jaemin wishes he'd just seen something else instead, like some pizza order crisis or some mundane mishap, sort of refusing to believe what was right in front of him was true to any extent, but he scratches his eyes, then scratches them again, then again, then another time, one more, okay, no, one last time--

Oh.

Oh no.

The plastic bag Jaemin was holding drops to the floor as he struggles to regain his bearings. Who the fuck was Lee Jeno to think he could fuck a bitch in Jaemin's sofa and get away with it?! And to think, oh, Jaemin was raging... to think he didn't care enough to leave Jaemin's stuffed toys out of the shit he planned to do. Jaemin loses all the brain function to even move his legs in that moment as he freezes still by the door in disbelief. Jeno was almost entirely the same, except he was looking at the girl and then back at Jaemin again like he'd woken up from a trance.

"Uh," Jaemin greets, his jaw growing slack. "Hi, I--" and then suddenly he's rushing to the kitchen counter, dropping the bags down, letting some of the contents slip out from the bag. He skips through the sofa, avoiding eye contact with either one of them to power-walk his way to the bedroom, shaking out the contents of his messenger bag and grabbing his library ID from the drawers before turning to exit again, gripping at the strap of his bag as he braves having to walk past Jeno and whoever the fuck he was trying to fuck in the sofa for another time.

He stops when he reaches the door again, still sort of dumbfounded, but he manages the smallest "goodbye," before he smashes the door shut on the both of them and storming off into the hallways.

Jaemin gives himself some time to reorient his fucking brain, his mind on fucking overdrive. He doesn't even care that he's almost late for his shift and has to borrow his damn neighbor's unicorn vomit flower-patterned bicycle just so he could make it in time.

Wait, Jeno looked like he didn't even know who that girl was, like he got shaken back to reality when Jaemin opened the door, suddenly wondering who the fuck that bitch is. Did Jaemin witness an almost fuck and run? He wasn't sure, but whatever it was he wanted to come scream into the void and brainwash himself anyway. He doesn't even care that he's overreacting, because suddenly all that shit about Jeno being cool and intimidating and shady began to matter; began to make sense. Lee Jeno could be all of those things or neither of them at the same time, but whatever he was, he sure knew how to leave a damn impression. A bad one, at that.

"Woah, that took long." The receptionist said. "Leaving again so soon? Hey, Jaemin-- Jaemin-- hey, hey are you even--" his voice fades out.

Jaemin doesn't think he can answer anything that isn't a disgruntled noise or absolute gibberish. He feels like he forgot how to speak, so all he does is nod at the guy and pull the exit door, even when it says to push, run for his neighbor's bicycle and consider moving out because there's no way in hell he'd ever want to dread meeting that guy again, knowing how awkward that would be. It would be so awkward that jumping off a building would be a lot more plausible.

Truthfully speaking, Jaemin didn't know what to do in this very trying situation, and he can't hope for a solution sooner or later when he isn't even sure there is one.

Jaemin was right about the leather jacket, though. At least that's one thing he can drag the guy for when they meet again, when Jaemin would (for sure) act like he didn't just walk in on Jeno in the middle of a makeout session for the sake of their cohabitation, which was already going downhill so soon. He reminds himself, he was going to be the nice guy here like he always is and take the situation into account. He was going to be mature and understanding about it, even though right now he was already freaking out, no, it didn't matter, not that he had to show he was gravely affected to Jeno.

Besides, he had plenty of time to think about the smaller details of living with Jeno, anyway. Maybe in a couple of months their first meeting wouldn't even matter so much, no matter how infamously memorable it was. Maybe they wouldn't even make it to a couple of months.

But whatever. Jaemin thinks. It's just whatever. Lee Jeno was going to be whatever in his life and nothing else.

Hopefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what you need to know:  
> 1\. this fic will have alternating povs!!! what i have is still kind of a mess right now but just so that u wouldnt be confused while reading the next chapters, i'll put this out.  
> 2\. this has been lying in my drafts for longer than intended now so bear with my writing and my delays bc my self esteem really sucks and im sorry in advance  
> 3\. this is the first chaptered fic ive posted!! so yes the whole chaptered mechanism is still weird for me and i hope you bear with that too  
> 4\. comments, feedback and kudos are very highly appreciated!!!! even a keysmash is fine fOR REAL  
> 5\. there is a playlist for this... somewhere. will upload the link soon♡ because right now its still a huge fucking mess lol  
> 6\. enjoy reading!!!!  
> 7\. @RETROJENS on twitter


	2. take care

2.

Jeno looks back at his short, ridiculous life and wonders why he ever thought he knew anything.

Sure, he was dumb, and he made a lot of decisions that were just as dumb, but never so substantially dumb that they were life-threatening (figuratively, but in all senses of the word he didn't bother naming, he knew he was still in deep, _deep_ shit).

His stupidity was at its peak last night, because _of course_ it was. He'd brought a girl to his roommate's apartment, to have a good time? Fuck it. He didn't actually know his own motives. It's 6P.M. and he's standing on the living room of his new apartment, cringing at himself as he moves his last box of belongings in.  He wasn't even sure he was allowed inside anymore, he didn't bother knowing, because last night that Jaemin guy combusted and malfunctioned out of shock and Jeno was sure that when he came back, he wasn't able to find Jeno anywhere. Because, _duh_ , Jeno left. He was lucky if he was even allowed in, but that's besides the point; A guy he barely knew caught him in the middle of something that occurred to him that he himself didn't even want to think about.

Besides, who was that girl anyway? He ponders. Jeno vaguely remembers picking her up at the coffee shop near their university, nothing more and nothing less. What ever she had spouted to Jeno when she stood up and abruptly grabbed her things before flipping Jeno off and leaving the room was maybe something Jeno actually deserved. It was a bitch move, but more often than not, Jeno wills himself not to give a damn even when it affects him.

Jeno wasn't the type to get drunk every chance he could get, but tonight felt like that special exception, tonight felt like throwing everything down the gutter, like not bothering to give a damn. Besides, he was going to a party. Usually that would end up in one of two ways: You get laid or you get drunk off your ass. Oftentimes both at the same time. He wasn't really looking for another female intervention, because look where that got him. He came for the booze, had the booze and had the time, and right now nothing was stopping him except for his own diminished sense of self-integrity, which he isn't even sure is something that exists in his brain programming anymore.

Something brings to light the fact that he did all of what happened last night for his own impulsive reasons, and now that it's come back to bite him in the ass, what else was there to do than spend the night out at a party and drink the humiliation away? So why doesn't he? Why hasn't he already?

Oh, right. Maybe if he'd known he'd be piss drunk all alone at said college party two or more hours later, he would've stopped himself from doing it. Now he's awfully tipsy and ready to head home, dreadfully facing the consequences of his own (slightly) planned night out of being a completely wrecked fuck-up, and actually not giving a shit.

It's only on his way back to the apartment that he realizes he was dizzy beyond comprehension, the lights in their neighborhood becoming a blur all around him. He's not the type of _alkie_ that passes out on the sidewalks and wakes up in the morning without a single memory of what happened the night before, but there's no better time to fucking prove himself wrong. He doesn't know where he's walking towards, doesn't know what the fuck in the world he's doing. He barely recalls a ding on the door as he walks his way to a table, barely remembers placing both his feet on a chair and hoisting himself up so he can lay in peace on said table, in front of several weirded-out people he can't bother himself to familiarize with, but not until some boy stops him halfway.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Said boy's voice shakes. "This is a public library-" He doesn't know why that's funny, but he laughs anyway.

"Why the fuck are you laughing." Random boy huffs. Jeno only laughs some more before covering his eyes with his arms and yawning. "J-Jeno, what the fuck, get the fuck up!"

"How do you know my name?" He slurs out in confusion. The other boy nearly screams at him.

"I'm your roommate!" Was he for real? Jeno sits up, tries to blink his eyes clear and realizes that he was, in fact, the same fluffy-haired, doe-eyed boy Jeno humiliated himself in front of last night. "For God's sake. Please get up. This is embarrassing."

Jeno hiccups. "You're Jaemin."

"Yes, I'm Jaemin. For the love of God, there are people here."

"We're roommates." Jeno holds his hand up, smiles wide. "Nice to meet you."

"Holy Jesus, you're not just buzzed. You're fucking stoned, Jeno." Jaemin sort of mumbles out incoherent mantras, keeping them to himself. He takes Jeno's hand and gives in to capitulation. Jaemin yanks him up and pulls him off the table, stumbling a little when Jeno's feet land on the floor.

Jeno asks, his grin fading "What are you doing?"

"Don't make me lose my job."

"Yeah, so what is this?"

"What do you think it is?!" Jaemin scoffs at him. "I'm taking you home, since you don't seem capable enough to do so yourself."

"You don't have to."

"Okay," Jaemin sighs  "I don't fucking know you that well but I can't risk knowing you even considered blacking out in the library, drunk or sober or whatever you are right now."

"I won't."

"For one, you almost just did." Jaemin deadpans, and for a moment Jeno hears a slight shift in his voice. "I'm worried."

 _Don't be._ He forces himself to say, but nothing comes out. He wants to tell the boy in front of him that he's been left in a situation like this countless of times before to get the fucking drill. But instead, he lets himself get carried away.

" _Hoo_ ," Jaemin sighs, heaving Jeno up to let Jeno's arms slip across his shoulders. "Okay, cooperate with me a little while, please? Just until the exit. I hope there's a cab outside..."

The other boy struggles to carry (more like drag) him across the library, and they're barely three tables near the exit door until Jaemin stops to fan himself, still not letting go of Jeno. "God, why are drunk people so heavy?"

"Don't think I have the right book for that," someone answers, and Jeno wonders whether or not that was just a voice inside his head, but it isn't. It's this random guy in front of them. Said random guy had his hair slicked back loosely, all three buttons of his ridiculously straightened polo buttoned, the sleeves cuffed so neatly it was kind of disgusting, but more importantly, he had towers of books all over him that if Jeno were an ant he'd think he was lost in a goddamn city. He feels his subconscious flinch awake, like it had a retort it wanted to assert and there was no way it was going to let the chance slip by. In fact, he could do it. He could blame it on being drunk or on the fact that there was quite virtually nothing he had to prove to this guy right in front of him.

Right, nothing to be afraid of, nothing to lose, nothing to--

"Mark!" Jaemin shoots up, his face lighting up and contorting into something less natural and more meticulous, like it was meant to convey something. "I didn't see you there-"

This guy, his name is Mark... Jeno thinks, and the first thing that comes across his head is  _skinny academic._ He was more or less the type of guy to give away who they were with their body language alone, but for those characteristics to belong to a boy with a name as generic as _Mark_ was dumb as fuck. Something like Leonard or _Craigory_ or Michael or Daniel would've made the cut-- Jeno squints at himself. The fuck was that? What force in the world urged him to think up that dumb shit?

"What's up-- oh." The boy, no, Mark, halts. "Anything wrong?"

"Yes, kind of. I don't know. This guy, I think he's drunk. High. I don't know. Ow." Jeno weighs him down with pressure. "I have to take him home as soon as I can."

"Home? So you know where he lives?" He ponders. "You're ditching your shift? For that guy? That's a whole night's worth of salary!"

"No, Mark- he's just... he's- fuck." He mumbles under his breath. "He's my roommate. He's kind of my responsibility."

"You're sharing a whole apartment with this guy?" There's a large hint of disbelief in his tone. Jaemin only sighs and replies, "Yeah, unfortunately." Jeno scoffs at the comment. How could he say that when he barely knew him? He thrashes in Jaemin's hold a little too wildly and whines. Jaemin rolls his eyes.

"Is this the first time you've encountered this?" Mark inquires, his eyes narrowing.

"I think so, yes." He ponders, obviously wondering if the Jeno from last night was actually sober. "We've only been roommates since yesterday. Don't ask me about it. It's not a good memory to recall."

"Yesterday?" Mark gasps. "Wow, you're way too nice. If it were anyone else, they would've left him behind."

"It's flattering but I'm not really all of that,"

"You are!" He snickers. "You're kind and cute. I wonder why no one's wanted to date you when you're literally everything anyone could ever ask for."

"You're kidding." Jaemin says, but he's already sort of queasy and red on the cheeks. Jeno doesn't miss a beat and even laughs at this a little.

"I am so not kidding." Jaemin gets redder at an alarming pace, and Jeno doesn't understand how he's so hyperaware of this even when he can barely keep track of his surroundings in his state.

"Yes. You are." Jaemin reiterates, his voice sounding as forced as possible. Jeno feels his hands shaking against his sides and spots how Jaemin's lips quiver against each other, and if he's not mistaken, Jaemin's heart might just beat out of his own damn chest with how loud and fast it was.

 _Oh, Lord_. Jeno knows what this is.

He tries to suppress a laugh that inevitably comes out. Suddenly he realizes that this was a library and he had to keep his damn mouth shut.

Jaemin peeks at him and pouts, growing more aware. "What's so funny?" He asks, threatening to let lose of his hold on the other's shoulder. Jeno doesn't know why but he just guffaws again, even louder this time as Jaemin grows redder in realization. There's a plea in his eyes, sort of implicit but still managing to make Jeno shiver with how powerful it feels. _Don't you dare._ Jaemin mouths in a way that he was sure Mark wouldn't notice, but Jeno was already on the  sick verge of doing it. Now, this was too damn good to ignore.

In his drunken stupor, he points at the boy right in front of them before looking back at Jaemin and saying, "Holy shit, you like this guy?"

Jaemin _fumes._

"Wha-- what'd he say?" Mark squints.

"Nothing! He's drunk!" Jaemin laughs as loud and as obnoxious as he can as he stabilizes himself. If he were feeling particularly demonic he would've plastered Jeno's mouth a long time ago. "Drunk people-- they just-- they say weird stuff all the time, right?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess so--" Mark raises a brow. "But, like, real stuff they actually mean--?"

"You know what we should really be going goodnight Mark have a safe night see you soonest goodbye!" He rambles, barely giving the other boy a chance to respond before he's dashing out to the front door and running (sort of limping, Jeno was heavy) as fast as he can before readjusting himself when he's walked far enough. Jeno looks at him and thinks there should have been a brief moment where Jaemin contemplated just leaving him there in his intoxicated stupor along the sidewalk, but if he really was the sweetheart that the Mark boy from the library really ought him to be, then Jeno wouldn't be surprised.  ("Thin ice," he had said. "Thin fucking ice, Lee Jeno.")

He was almost sure Jaemin was going to drag him by his fucking knees back to the apartment and then leave him in the sofa to bask in his own alcohol-induced fuckery, but Jaemin did nothing of the sort. Sure, he was seething with rage, but he was so gentle that it honestly felt like he wasn't. He guides him through the lobby door, the stairs, the hallway. "I fucking hate you. I hope a car runs you over tomorrow. I hope a plane comes crashing down on you. I hope someone catapults you all the way to Jupiter one day and you'd die." But he says it like he doesn't actually mean it, like it comes out weightless and slips through the air like nothing. Even when Jeno felt like vomiting his guts out, Jaemin was there to run his hands over his back, telling him to heave slowly.

"Nothing's coming out," Jeno says, coughing.

"So don't force it!" Jaemin responds, his voice softening. "Get up. I can't stand being in the bathroom for longer than a minute because all I'll be thinking of is how much I want to drown you right now."

Jaemin was right. Sometimes Jeno wanted to drown himself too.

Jaemin led him to the room as slowly as he can and lowers Jeno to a separate bed, adjusting his sleeping position to assure that he won't wake up with a massive migraine and several body pains the next morning. There's worry in his expression, something Jeno never thought anyone would still spare for him especially after the past few months.

"I'm sorry." He finds his own self saying, raw and unfiltered.

"I will fucking murder you," Jaemin tells him, but Jeno never knew murdering could get this... soft. Suddenly he's wrapped in about three different cocoons and layers of patterned blankets, some stuffed toys and plushies of different characters around him, cold water and some medicine down his system in less than three minutes.

He turns off the lights and  leaves the room, probably to sleep on the sofa because Jeno knows how unbearable it was that he literally reeked of alcohol. He can't blame him. Jeno feels like he stinks because of the same thing, except maybe it was alcohol mingled with shame and loathing that he was smelling, instead of just alcohol and nothing else.

"Close your eyes," he hears Jaemin shout from outside. "Get some sleep." And believe him, he wanted to do just that.

He looks around and tries to name all the stuffed toys in charge of protecting him for the rest of the night. He knows he's going to fail at it, so he tries and gives them their own names, but then he gives up and thinks of how nice and relaxing all of it felt like.

He's not going to lie. He could get used to this. Not in a mean, taking advantage of kindness way, but in the same genuineness Jaemin had. He could get used to all the non-hostile death threats, the doe eyes, the toothy smile, the clothes that reeked of warm cotton and baby powder and slight hints of grinded coffee,  just like what Hyuck said. "Nana," he would always start, and there were always hints and bits of admiration and pride in his tone every time he said it. "Nana, you know what, hands down, he's just completely, utterly, frankly, truly too good for this world." And Jeno recognizes why that could be.

It was real kindness, which Jeno, through the years had realized was something that couldn't possibly exist anymore; was something he wasn't allowed to be given. He wonders why he's thinking this now of all times, why he's thinking of Jaemin helping him. It wasn't because Jeno had demanded it, let alone ask for it, but because Jaemin was there, in front of him, so open and willing and nice and kind and helpful and all the variations of the word _genuine_ that he couldn't name because he was piss-drunk and exhausted, but would attempt to name anyway because Jaemin sort of deserved it. No, not _sort of_. He deserved it, a lot. Not long after tonight and Jeno will realize that he wants to give him that.

He wills his eyes to close, forces his mind to stop thinking for a while so he can get some decent sleep, but there's urgency sitting on the base of his chest, gnawing at his insides. It feels like a big sign, a rapid wake up call.

Maybe with this boy, Jaemin,  he'll do something he's never done before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here is the [playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLf7Ze1pJW2ZP6H0jxPanAeu-a4yEFLxtA) i made for this fic that might help set the mood! hope u enjoyed reading and hope u will continue to read!! kudos and comments are HIGHLY APPRECIATED idc what u leave in the comment section just please,,, leave something :( i love you all
> 
> @RETROJENS on twitter


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